“Marriage or Nah”? ~ OEV

 

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I know, I know…I was supposed to be praying too but I just had to capture the moment.  To open my eyes, grab my phone and snap a pic of my husband praying with our children before bed is one of those moments that lets me know we got it right.  Yeah…we did.
What did we get right?  We did something different to meet someone different.  We put our cards on the table from jump.  No surprises, no second guessing.  From the moment we first talked we made it clear that it was “Marriage or Nah”.  We got to know each other with no strings attached for a year even tho PAV was tryna marry me within the first months of meeting lol (You gotta know the whole story tho).  There was no kissing, no making out, no nothing during that “getting to know stage”.  Straight acquaintances with a mission of “friends who could possibly marry” was the deal.  That way if we weren’t feeling each other, we could move along without any emotional or sexual ties.
We became exclusive after that first year.  When he would take me to his church he made it known I was that chick.  You know, ‘His Lady’.  And my goodness did I love the way he would introduce me to “the church”.  The church who would judge me prematurely and sometimes un-righteously because I wasn’t raised in the church like him, wasn’t C.O.G.I.C. like him and definitely wasn’t “saved like him”.  But I was on his arm because he chose me. And what many didn’t realize was that I received his choice and chose him in return. It wasn’t one sided.  It was very mutual.  I had to win his parents over being that I was not the church girl type but winning them over was worth the man.
2 years later after many “dating trials”, he made it official and gave me the ring…proposing to me while we were watching the airplanes land and take off.  We had some trials while engaged but I was here for it, so we married 2 years later.  Can’t believe I was really tryna divorce him 5 years after.  But here we are…married still.  12 years in the deal.  Husband and wife for real for real.  With five beautiful babies we pray for, who we slay for and are steadily paving the way for.
So to be at a point where I watch this man I said Yes to pray with all of our children is a moment I had to capture. Not for my sake or yours but more so for my children’s sake. So that when they’re older they’ll always have this moment in print. Tho our 2 and 4 year old may not remember this, they’ll be able to see this pic and have this moment for life and see that…their parents really did do something right. We found one another, observed each other. Sealed the deal with each other. Then brought each of our children into this world and declared we would raise them up in the admonition of The Most High and teach them His ways. And it didn’t start that night. It started in July 1999, became serious in August 2000, made official in July 2002 and finalized in May 2004. Then we started our legacy in 2006, continued it in 2008, added to it in 2010, filled it more in 2012 and built it higher in 2014. Whoooo! We got a lot to do right? So what’s my point in all this right? What is OEV getting at?
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My point is to get to this moment…to get this right…to be here in all of this right now today, we had to declare from the beginning that it was “Marriage or Nah”.And this is also what we’re showing our children. I mean, who has that kinda time to be wasting on “Nah” when time is pointing to Marriage? Who has that kinda heart to keep putting up with “Nah” when the heart is desiring Marriage? I mean really tho…who has that kinda strength to continually be weakened on “Nah” when it wants to be stronger in Marriage? I didn’t. And neither do you.

You’re single and you desire marriage..then it’s time to get a “Marriage or Nah” mentality about your life right now. This doesn’t mean nothing else matters, it simply means that the foolishness that comes with “Nah” is over and no longer needs your energy. I gave lots of details above to share our history together. Sure we had some ups and downs along the way, but we were still throwing up “Marriage or Nah” through it all.

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You no longer have time to waste, you no longer have a heart to be broken by people playing games and you no longer have the strength to put towards “Nah”. Instead set some #MarriageGoals and then spend some time working towards those goals. It’s OK to want it, think of it, prepare for it and desire it. It’s honorable remember? So to desire something honorable is actually a very beautiful thing. But you gotta let go of the “Nah” because it’s possibly holding you up from what you truly desire..Marriage.

And last thing, if you’re Married, work to stay together. Remember divorce is nothing more than a “Nah” but in a different context. Not saying all marriages will work out, but at the very least give it your all and work to stay together as best as YOU can so that no matter what happens, you know you was all about that Marriage life! ? ~ OEV

Did I say something that blessed you?  Confused you?  Hit a nerve or inspired you!  Leave a comment and let me know.  I assure you of a timely response.  Love you Fam .  ?
PS  Hey Ladies…wanna join me in my private Facebook group for Queens only?  Click here and join me NOW.  See you there.

 

“In Walks A Man”! ~ OEV

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The woman was tired. She had been up all night getting some rare “me time” by indulging in Netflix movies. But just when she was about to finally get some sleep in the early morning, her youngest son (2 years old) wakes up. While trying to put him back to sleep, an older sibling wakes up and seems to signal for the other children to wake up as well. Before the woman knows it, all of her ‘stair steppers’ are awake. Now the woman wishes she didn’t stay up all night getting rare “me time” in because now she’s going to be tired the rest of the day because at 6am, it really is time to get up anyway.

So the days goes just as expected. Tiresome! She’s tired but managing to run the household to the demands of her younger children while getting the older children to help in keeping things in order. In the afternoon, she actually manages to get them all to take a nap so she takes a nap as well. Three hours seems like enough rest but unfortunately the nap puts her behind in getting dinner ready. Thank The Most High the children are all still sleeping so she gets busy with dinner. Just as things are going well, the youngest son wakes up crying. But before she can even grab him, the youngest daughter wakes up crying as well. She’s wondering how in the world she’s going to get everything done before the man of the house is back home. She’s got things in the oven, things on the stove, things waiting to be mixed on the table and two babies 3 and under crying their tears out. Talk about frustrating and exhausting at the same time. So the woman picks up the 2 year old son, rocking him trying to console him while letting her 3 year old know she’ll be right there in just a minute. But the 3 year old doesn’t seem to take too well to being made to wait, so she cries even more. With dinner preparations interrupted, a son in her lap refusing consolation and a 3 year old crying in the near distance, the woman begins to inwardly break down hoping to be rescued. This was nothing really major that she hadn’t handled before but, working off only 3 hours of sleep and blaming herself in her mind for staying up super late, caused the woman to slightly crumble with exasperation.

But then…the door unlocks and the knob turns. “In Walks A Man”...a hard working Man who just finished working 13 hours. Tired, sweaty, not smelling the best, looking like he just woe out.. not wore out but WOE OUT. He walks in and immediately the 2 year old son who refused the woman’s consolation quickly stops crying, gets up and runs to this Man with outstretched hands. While holding the 2 year old, the Man turns the corner towards the 3 year old daughter who’s still crying. “In walks a Man” to where she was and instead of ceasing from crying, she cries harder upon seeing the Man as if she had been missing the Man all day. The Man takes his free arm and picks up the daughter too. Before she knows it, the Man has both the son and daughter in both arms embracing them strongly and consoling them both effortlessly. Before he sits down while holding the two, he stands with seemingly room for one more…the woman. The woman walks towards him and the Man hugs her with both arms around the two youngest children then she rests upon what remained of his chest, squeezed between the two babies. And it was at that very moment that the woman was reminded of Our Heavenly Father who has room for us all in His arms, in His loving embrace. The Man was not only those children’s father but he was also the woman’s husband. And everything became well when he walked in. Now let’s bring this thing to clarity.

The woman is me, OEV. The Man is my husband, PAV (I know y’all know that too 😀 ). The children are our youngest two of the five. All I know is when that Man, My Man walked in, all that wasn’t well became well. All I know is when that Man walked in, what was turning out to be chaotic before he got home, was now calm…simply because he walked in.

You see, good things happen when a Man walks in. When a male walks in, things either go from bad to worse or they remain the same. But when a Man walks in, things get better or has the potential to get better with some work. Because Joy comes with him. Pain relief comes with him as well. And just when you’re so mad at life and you’re ready to give up, “in walks a Man” with the confidence to encourage you up out of your misery and back into the equanimity you feel when he’s around. Yasssssss! And even if there’s trouble around, a Man walking in gives trouble a serious run for its money. You see, when a male walks in, he could be a trouble maker but when a Man walks in, he’s the trouble taker. Males make trouble, Men take trouble and turn it into calm. Y’all..don’t…hear…me..tho..

This doesn’t mean Men are perfect. It doesn’t mean my Man is perfect, it just means even when we are at odds in our marriage, when my husband walks in, I know no matter what we’re dealing with, he’s gon’ shut it down and work to make things right. No matter if I pout. No matter if I try the silent treatment. No matter if my attitude ain’t right. No matter if his tone ain’t the best. No matter if he don’t agree with what I’m saying. When my husband walks in, ain’t nobody walking out unchanged. Even when our children are restless and rambunctious and I’m struggling to get them all the way in order, when my husband walks in, order is restored. So what am I saying and what has this go to do with you?

I’m saying single women, when I was choosing this man to be my husband, I chose him based on the fruit that showed me he was the type of Man who would work through the craziest mess in marriage. I chose him because his actions showed me he was a righteous man. I chose him because even though he had issues just as I did, I knew he would love me through every issue, every outburst and every self imposed crazy moment I ever created in our marriage. And though this is the Man who walked out on me in year 5 of our marriage, he is also the same man who walked back in, worked with me and made this thang right 12 years and 5 children later.

So do NOT settle for them unrighteous males who look good to marry. Don’t rush into relationships with males who got it made financially but ain’t got it made righteously. Don’t fall for the males who can recite every scripture but can’t SHOW YOU how to apply them same scriptures they quote. Because when the ish hit the fan in marriage, Men are the ones that’s gon’ come through this piece and work everything out with you as best as they can. Those are the kind of perfectly flawed Men you want to give a chance in getting to know you. Men with Standards. Men who are Righteous and Men who can walk into a room and change the entire game up.

And what’s so amazing is you can be just going on about your life, praying, working towards and preparing for this type of man while in the worst season of your life, yet “In Walks A Man” into your life ready to change that season for you or walk through that season with you. And if you don’t think this can happen, you betta ask me. I can tell you some stories honey. LOL! Be Encouraged Single Ladies! I got lots more where this came from. You may say it ain’t a lot of good men like this out here but as I always say, you only need ONE. 😉 ~ OEV

#InWalksAMan #ATrulyFaithfulMan #BeTrulyFaithful #TrulyFaithful

Psalm 1:1-3, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in His law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper”.

Please share this blog post if it blessed you and also join my online Kingdom Building Community for women below where we talk in detail about topics like this and so much more.

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The Building of a Nation Starts with YOU!

“Men, I believe if we teach our sons how to be providers as they become men, how to treat women, how to be in control of their sexuality, how to value their purity as young boys, how to be leaders in their homes and communities, how to operate in their God given masculinity, while also teaching our sons to honor marriage, we will help greatly in decreasing the many fatherless, broken and dysfunctional homes we have in this world today, especially in our own communities”. ~ PAV

“Women, I believe if we teach our daughters to know their worth, to value their sexuality and their bodies, to empower them in their educational creativity, to help them understand that being a help meet is a strong active role in society as a whole, not a weak, inactive one only done in marriage, how to honor marriage while also teaching our daughters to support masculinity while operating fully in their God given femininity, we will help greatly in decreasing the epidemic of leaving legacies of broken relationships, out of wedlock births and extreme poverty”. ~ OEV

“Men and Women, we believe in being Faithful to Marriage, Faithful to Family and Faithful to Legacy (Building). In order to have healthy marriages, strong and loving families and positive legacies tomorrow, it starts with building our marriage, our family and our legacy TODAY”!

We’re already doing this and are working to do it even better. Have you started? Are you doing your part?  What steps are you taking to get this done?  Comment and let us know! ~ PAV &OEV

 

Psalm 112:1-3, “Praise the Lord!  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments!  His offspring will be mighty in the land, the generation of the upright will be blessed.  Wealth and riches are in His house and His righteousness endures forever”.

Psalm 78:4, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done”.

Deut 6:5-7, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise”.

 

 

Wanna join OEV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Women?  Sign up here.

 

Wanna join PAV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Men?  Sign up here.

“I’m Still Qualified”! ~ OEV

I'm the most imperfect person you're going to find in this world. But I'm still qualified to speak the truth of The Most High. I'm the most flawed person this side of heaven. But I'm still qualified to share the truth of Yahshua. I miss the mark. I can be emotional. I am wrong a lot of times. I can be your best friend or your worst friend when I'm not in control of my feelings. But I'm still qualified to lead those The Most High have put in front of me to lead. I can miss it as a wife at times. I can miss it as a Mother at times too. But I'm still qualified to be a help to many wives and many mothers. I can be disingenuous but still honest. I can be insolent at times but still polite overall. I can be aggressive at times but diffident as well. I am an extrovert but have times where I'm an ambivert. I can be loud when addressing others but quiet as well. I can be strong in my expressions but gentle in my delivery. At any given time I can mess up every single thing I've worked very hard to overcome, but even in all of that, I am still qualified to do what The Most High has called me to do.

People will disqualify you for every mishap, every bad decision you make, every mistake you can't seem to shake and every sinful step you may take. But in the end, it is not man who qualifies you but The Most High. And who He calls, He qualifies. Who He qualifies, He prepares. Who He prepares, He also forgives when they repent. And who He forgives, He gives them another chance. Many of you just want another chance to get it right today. Many of you feel you have dropped the ball so much that you are no longer qualified to do what He's called you to do. Many of you feel the need to be sat down, refused, denied, put aside, left hangin, even punished all because you have been on a roll with messing up. But I am here to tell you that I know what it's like to be in a funk to where all it seems like you're doing is messing up left and right. I know what it's like to question yourself asking, "Damn!  Can I do anything right? Can I just do one thing right to get me out of this mess? Can I just get out of this rut and thrive instead of just survive? Can I get out of my feelings instead of be all up in them all the time? Will I ever get my finances together?  Will I ever just make it in this area instead of always struggling in this area?" My Goodness!!!  I know, I know, I've felt this way many times. But I got news for you.

​You are not disqualified because you missed it this morning or last night with your wife or husband. You are not disqualified because you lost your cool with the people on your job or with your children. You are not disqualified because you had wicked thoughts about someone who hurt you and did you wrong. You are not disqualified because you tried to end your life when depression got the best of you. You are not disqualified because you made a fool of yourself in front of those you love. You are not disqualified because you fell into sin after giving in to horniness. You are not disqualified because you lied when human resources asked had you ever been late on a job and you said no just to get the job. You are not disqualified because you've been missing paying tithes to pay your bills and take care of your children. You are not disqualified because you have been falling short in so many areas of life where others are succeeding. You are not disqualified because you feel you should be much further along than you are right now. You are not disqualified because your marriage is a mess. You are not disqualified because you're in your 30's and 40's and still not married. You are not disqualified because you're broke right now.  You are not disqualified...Why not? Because you are still HIS! If you are still His and you are still up in this piece working to get the best out of this life, then you are still qualified. If you still have breath...if you still have life...if you still have space and opportunity...if you still have your right mind...if you still have the willingness to get better...if you're still fighting to make it, then no my friend, you are not disqualified. Know this...No man on earth can disqualify you. If The Most High says you're qualified, then YOU ARE STILL QUALIFIED!

​So get up, repent if you need to, pray because it's what you should do, reach out if you have to. Then wash your face, drink some water, look in that mirror and say "I'm Still Qualified", then be on your way and go do what you are still qualified to do! ~ OEV

#ImStillQualified

#YouStillQualifiedToo

#TheyCantDisqualifyWhatHeAlreadyQualified

#ByeFaultFinders

Rom 8:30, "And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified".

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I'm Still Qualified

“The Damaged Goods of OEV”!

Damaged Goods: a person regarded as inadequate or impaired in some way.
Inadequate:  lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose. insufficient means not enough.
Impaired: weakened, damaged.
 
So damaged goods is a person who makes themselves emotionally unavailable due to unfortunate circumstances in the past. Which in turn makes people they love pay for the mistakes they had to deal with in the past. Damaged goods tend to run away from their problems instead of facing them head on and tend to make assumptions about present situations due to experiences from the past.
 
This is me.  Even today as I write this, I am damaged goods.  I am inadequate, impaired and I am lacking quality in a certain area.  I am also insufficient for a particular purpose for I am weakened…damaged.  This is me…OEV.  The woman many young women look up to.  The woman who loves hard and gives her all.  But also the same woman who can hurt someone when she feels they may hurt her.  This is the same woman who can be really good in marriage but really bad in friendships.  The same woman who will run to The Most High and her husband and cry out but will not do the same with a friend.  I am damaged goods.  Is there any help for me?  Well…first we have to get to the root.
 
A little while ago I did a few Periscope broadcasts on why it was good to be in relationships with people who love hard and the bad things about people who love hard.  I gave the definition and characteristics of those who love hard and used myself as an example.  To help you understand where I’m about to come from, let me share some of those characteristics that describe people like me.
 
Characteristics of People who love hard…
 
#1, We are loyal…loyal to a fault.  We will go with you through hell, high water and chaos. We don’t believe in leaving those we love behind…ever.
 
#2, We love you for real, for real.  There is nothing fake about our love.  We will throw caution to the wind and give you all of our heart in relationships.
 
#3, We are forgivers.  We forgive some of the most horrific things people do to us all because we really love you.
 
#4, We wear our feelings on our sleeves.  We don’t have poker faces.  You know exactly how we’re feeling because it’s written all over our faces.
 
#5 Once we are done, we…are…DONE!  There is no coming back or reconciling when we’re done.  We reconcile by letting go and moving on.
 
So now that you have some characteristics of people who love hard, let me share how those good traits can be taken advantage of by those who do not love hard in return.
 
Understand that not everyone can handle the love of a person who loves hard.  This is why we have the issues we often times have when in relationships with the wrong people.  Let me elaborate.
 
Because we are loyal, we can love people through anything but we can also waste our love on those who mean us no good.  We love for real and nothing is fake about our love so when we give our heart in any kind of a relationship, we give all of our heart.  We don’t know how to give a part of our heart.  We must give a person all of our heart or none at all and because of this, we can give all of our heart to someone who cannot handle this kinda of love.  We’re also forgivers which is great but too many times we forgive people who continuously hurt us.  Our ability to love hard is great when we’re loving the right people, but our inability to discern at times is what causes us to give our love to “like” instead of give our love to love.  Does that make sense?  In other words, people may just like us, yet we love so hard that we believe loving them will turn their like for us into love for us.  This is where we lack discernment and end up staying in temporary relationships, long term.  So because we do these things, we end up getting played a lot by the opposite sex or hurt a lot in toxic friendships.  Yet when we are done, we are DONE!  There is nothing anyone can do to change our minds when we’re done.  While that’s great, often times it took us too long to be done.  So now that we’re finally done, we chill by ourselves and become protective of our feelings.  Being protective means we make sure we don’t get hurt by anyone anymore.  The problem with this is often times after being done, we end up shielding ourselves from potential great mates for marriage and/or potential great friends for friendships.  So how did I get to be damaged goods and what does all of this have to do with me becoming that way?
 
Because I loved hard and gave my all, I was deeply hurt by “friends”, several different times though I will only talk about 3 different times today.  I was hurt so deep that after these 3 particular hurts I would cleave to my husband, hold onto my children and strengthen my relationship with The Most High but I vowed to never let another women get that close to me.  Oh I am friendly, so I can talk to anyone.  I’m good at what I do, so I can encourage and advise women in their marriages or courtships, but when it came time for friendships with women, I would not allow it.  I would actually start to shut down and cleave to my husband.  So I would call him my best friend instead.  Though he and I are just that close, this was also a cover to keep from having close female companionships.  So after the failure of 3 friendships in a row, it somewhat ruined me for other friendships.
 
So here’s how that went. 
 
Abandonment: The first friendship that played a part in my being damaged goods was a lengthy one.  We were friends for over 10 years.  Everyone knew we were the best of friends.  She was even the God mother of our first born child.  When I became pregnant with my second, she moved away and never told me why or where.  I had no idea why she left or where she was.  After a few weeks of her being what I called “missing”, we put a APB out on her to make sure she was OK.  She was and shared she had gotten a new job and gotten too busy to call.  I should have seen that was the first sign of what was to come.  We would talk here and there but I could tell it wasn’t the same.  I figured since she was still single with no children, that maybe she was feeling some kinda way that I was now married a few years going on my second child. But I still felt our friendship would recover.  I mean you don’t get to over a decade of being friends by not being able to overcome whatever comes your way right?  But what happened next literally changed my life.  I hadn’t heard from her in some time once again.  I called her job and they said she no longer worked there.  That she left town.  I thought maybe she went back home to chill for a bit and collect her thoughts on her life.  So I didn’t bother her as I was also very sick in my second pregnancy, so I couldn’t give my full attention at that time.  By the time I had gotten better, I had heard through the grapevine she had joined the military.  I was ANGRY!  I was hurt.  I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get a phone call, an email, a letter, anything!  I didn’t know how to process this new hurt I was feeling.  I felt abandoned!  How could she walk out on our friendship like that?  What the hell did I do that was so bad that she walked out with no notice?  So I grieved but in anger.
 
Toxicity:  Even after all of that, a few years later I gave friendship another try.  It wasn’t easy but I did. I mean I had my man, my 2 babies and a new friend.  How awesome was that right?  Well once the newness wore off there was this stench of toxicity that I began to smell.  Not only did I smell it, my husband smelled it too.  And so did others.  But when people would come to me about that stench, I just told them it was fine.  Why didn’t I listen?  Because I’m loyal..to a fault remember?  You don’t just leave people who aren’t perfect.  You love them through right?  I tried.  I failed.  And any time I would bring up an offense by that person, they would turn it back on me somehow.  Passive aggressive at its finest.  I did this for over 3 years and finally had to cut the strings.  Before I did, I cried 2 days staight knowing I had to cut them off.  Remember, when we are done, we are DONE!  The cut off did not end well.  And this time instead of being angry like I was before, I grieved the end of this friendship in sadness not anger.  But I was glad it ended.  I missed them but was relieved it was over.
 
Rejection:  I tried again.  This friendship actually overlapped the toxic friendship above but it was perfect or so I thought.  I thought I had finally found a friend I could really relate to marriage wise as the other 2 before this one were single.  We both had children and we both had lots in common.  Oh the private conversations we shared were full of such joy!  The laughs and the cries seemed so real.  But when it came time to be best friends, I was over looked.  She had chosen another.  I was hurt.  I was rejected.  I guess I didn’t understand this friendship thing after all.  I still hung onto the relationship thinking, “Well maybe I can be the 2nd best friend” right?  Nah, we ended up growing apart even though I would still reach out.  So as this friendship was obviously fading away after 4 years, the rejection caused bitterness.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough to be a best friend.  I am still moving on from this friendship.  I’m taking it one day at a time.
 
So when you have abandonment, toxicity and rejection in a row, it can become hard to go forward in a righteous friendship.  Enter another friend.  I wasn’t looking for anymore friends nor was I accepting friendship applications.  I was content with my marital relationship with my husband, my parental relationship with my children, my many acquaintanceships with people from eerywhere and of course my relationship with The Most High.  This friendship took me by complete surprise.  Though we had so much in common, there was an obvious age difference.  Could we be friends anyway?  I went forward but I gave them a warning.  That because of my baggage of failed friendships, they may have to pull me back sometimes.  But what I didn’t tell them was that I was damaged goods.  I didn’t tell them that though I was very good in making my marriage work, I was not very good in making friendships work.  How could I be?  I had 3 lengthy friendships that failed.  I was scarred, impaired, inadequate and damaged.  And the smiles my husband and children put on my face hid all those flaws.  So what happened?  In disagreements I would hurt them.  I made assumptions about them.  I looked for the bad in them to manifest. I was accusatory and after each disagreement, I was waiting for them to abandon me.  I was looking for the friendship to turn toxic.  I was waiting for them to reject me.  Yet…it hasn’t come.  At the end of one episode of hurt, there was only, “I signed up for this knowing you were damaged“.  Who deserves that kind of grace though?  Certainly not me.  Yet it’s what I was given.  I think the thing that showed me the grace of the Father was when this friend said, “We’re gonna get through this. And then look back at how far we’ve come and smile.  Not only did we make a decision to go on through life together, but I told you I also think it’s a miracle that we crossed paths. I don’t think that type of relationship should be thrown away based off feelings and hurt that will pass. ESPECIALLY since I agreed to proceed with our relationship knowing that you are damaged in certain ways. I have to have more empathy b/c I wasn’t stupid to that fact and I still made a decision“.  I broke down.  The tears began to fall because I know I don’t deserve it.  But how could they love me anyway?  How could they want to remain friends anyway?  Doesn’t make sense.  It was after a much smaller disagreement that I FINALLY realized our friendship really was divine.  How so?
 
Because like in my marriage, my flaws are always being exposed just as my husband’s are.  So in this friendship, those other flaws that weren’t revealed in my marriage are being exposed, so now I gotta work on them.  I’m learning that though I learned how to love a man and that I learned how to love children, I didn’t learn how to love a friend and a sister.  And God is showing me how to do that in this relationship.
 
Though I hate that we have to have those moments of hurt, I’m grateful for the opportunity given to right my wrongs and learn how to be a good friend.  I am now learning the importance of friendships alongside the importance of the marital and family relationship.  I’m the type that can help others in their marriages and in their singleness but could not help myself in friendships. So I am damaged goods.  I love hard and one thing about those of us who love hard, we work hard to right our wrongs.  So though I am damaged goods, the beauty in all of this is, I do not have to remain damaged.  I can be repaired.  I can be restored.  I can be redeemed even in this.  I am committed to getting better and I hope that the next time I write about this I can title it, “The Mended Goods of OEV”!  Hope this helped someone out there to see that female friendships though hard to maintain, can be done in spite of the many friendships that fail!  I’m in this for the long haul.  The love of many may wax cold but with Christ, mine won’t wax cold at all!  ~ OEV
 
Prov 18:24, “Friends can destroy one another, but a loving friend can stick closer than family”.
Me & My Best Friend
Torah and OEV pic

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“Settle For Love”! ~ OEV

Office Warming Party

When I married my husband, I settled for love. It was either LOVE or nothing. There was no way I was going to settle for anything less than love when it came to marriage.

Yes I had my setbacks. Yes I had my bad decisions. And yes I had my terrible choices in men I’d dated in the past. But in the end when it came to walking down that aisle, it was for love or there would be no meeting at the altar for me with any man. If Love wasn’t at the altar then neither would I be.

There are, in my opinion, too many women settling for less than love. They settle for the sake of marrying to have children. They settle for a man with money who doesn’t love Christ. They settle for men who they think they can change. And too many settle for the first man who comes their way because they’re afraid no other man is coming. But when a woman settles for everything but love, often times she’s the one who loses out in the end.

One of the definitions of settle is “to make a life with”. So think about it this way. You’re going to “make a life with” a man who has money but doesn’t live for Christ? You’re going to “make a life” with a man who only makes you an option? You’re going to “make a life with” any man just so you can say you’re married? Or you’re going to “make a life with” a man who loves you and he proves it daily? Which one would you rather “make a life with”?

The point I’m making is ladies, you do have a choice in this matter. You can either settle for love or settle for NOTHING! If you know he’s not the right one for you, do not try to make up in your mind that he can be and then marry him anyway. You don’t know how many wives we have talked to who KNEW they shouldn’t marry the man they did but they did it anyway. Some were even going to back out right before the wedding but allowed themselves to be pressured into it because of all the wedding preparations that had already taken place and now they are married to men who horribly mistreat them and their children.

So I say to you single ladies, you really do have a choice. Yes I know you want to get married. Yes I understand you are ready to settle down and have children. And yes I know you are tired of abstaining but no matter I plead with you today to settle for love or nothing. Because Godly men who follow the Lord see their wives as beautiful gifts from God whom they LOVE with their very lives (Eph 5:25). Settle for Love and nothing less! Be Encouraged!

1 Cor 13:4-8 (NIV), “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. LOVE NEVER FAILS”!

Please share this with as MANY as you can! God bless you all!

“Marriage Does Not Cure Sexual Sin”! ~ OEV

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“Marriage is not a cure for sexual sin! It is best to first repent of all sexual immorality before you enter into marriage so that you do not dishonor what God has called Honorable”! ~ OEV

Heb 13:4, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”.

One reason why there is so much divorce is because many people do not honor marriage. For if they did, they would not enter into something honorable with dishonorable baggage. Meaning they would not enter into marriage thinking marriage is the cure for being a whoremonger. Because if you have been fornicating and you have not repented of being a fornicator (whoremonger) before marriage, most often times you will become an adulterer after marriage. And remember adultery is not only physically cheating on your husband or wife but it also includes lusting after someone you are not married to (Matt 5:28).

Look at how many marriages among confessed believers are suffering from adultery which includes watching porn, lusting after those who they are not married to and all types of sexually immoral things. If many would trace back to their single lives, they would find unrepentant sexual sin even among those who’ve never had sex with anyone other than their spouse. Meaning there are many Christians who entered into marriage as virgins (never having actual intercourse) but they committed other sexually immoral acts that they never repented of. They just figured if they married, then all would be well. But they came to find out that in their marriages, there were issues of a sexual nature and most times it’s because they never dealt with the sexual sin they indulged in while they were single.

Take masturbating to porn for an example. Many believing singles did these things before marriage. So when they married, they thought they would never commit these acts again since they were now having sex with their spouse; yet they still find themselves masturbating to porn when their spouses are not around. You have to remember that what you do before marriage, you will do after marriage unless you repent. So if you were involved with masturbation and porn before you marry, you’ll be involved with it after you marry unless you repent of it.

Our point is marriage does not cure sexual sin. It was never created to cure or deliver you from sexual sin or any sin for that matter. Christ, not marriage, is the only one who can deliver or cure you from sexual sin but you must repent! And it is better to repent from sexual sin BEFORE you marry than to risk dishonoring your marriage by bringing unrepentant sexual sin into what is honorable.

We have shared this story many times before on our page and we will share some of it again for this post. Before I married, I repented of sexual sin with my husband but I had not repented of lust. So lust lied dormant in me the closer I got to marriage. But it wasn’t even a year into our marriage when lust rose from its dormancy and became fully functional into my life. It started with allowing a man to flirt with me. It continued into having impure thoughts about him. It then manifested itself more when I was going to meet him alone one day knowing what would happen.

To this very day, I am grateful to God that instead of going through with my demonic plans, I confessed to my husband. I am grateful to my husband that even though he was hurt, he prayed for me instead of putting me away. I am grateful to God for His Holy Spirit convicting me to come clean before acting out in the physical. In the end I was delivered completely from lust and it has never reared its ugly head in my marriage since because it’s been repented of, but look how it almost or could have ruined my marriage. Look how I hurt my husband. Look how I dishonored my marriage, my husband and more importantly my God with the look of the eye adultery. But God delivered me when I FINALLY repented!

So singles, please do not go into marriage thinking it will cure your sexual sin as I am a living witness it will not. Go to God and repent so that when you marry, you will not have to put your spouse, our God and even your marriage through the hardship you can avoid by repenting of any sexual sin NOW. I would even recommend that you be totally delivered from ALL sexual sin BEFORE you marry as this is one way to honor marriage while you are still single.

And for those who are married but still indulging in sexual sin, it’s time to go boldly before the throne of Grace, confess, repent and ask God to deliver you now. Don’t keep dishonoring what God has called honorable. Those of us who are married are to honor our marriages with true fidelity. And that means being Truly Faithful to our spouses with our bodies and our thoughts. And that we do not do anything that would dishonor our God, our spouse or our marriage.

I pray this helps those struggling with sexual sin whether single or married, for it’s time to repent and honor what God says is honorable!#RepentAndBeDelivered #HonorMarriage

This may be a hard message to take because MANY may have this issue, but share it anyway as it may be just what’s needed to help someone who’s been struggling with sexual sin! Thanks Fam!

“Marriage Is To Be Honored By ALL”! ~ PAV

Everyone is to respect (honor) marriage including the husband and wife in the marriage. The reason why others may not respect marriage is because some of us who are married may not respect our own marriage and we show our dishonor of it.

For example, if a husband or wife is cheating, then neither do they nor the person they are cheating with honors marriage. In other words, if a wife cheats on her husband with another man, neither the cheating wife or the other man respects or honors the marriage the wife is in nor do they respect or honor marriage in itself.

When singles fornicate with each other, they also do not honor marriage, for if they did, they would either marry or not fornicate. Many seem to think this scripture is just for those who are married and are doing marriage God’s way. No, this scripture was written for ALL! And it means you honor the marriages of others, you honor the marriage you are in or you honor marriage in itself that you either marry or remain a virgin outside of marriage.

God is the creator of marriage and if He says to honor it, then we are to obey and honor it. Whether we are married or not, we are not to dishonor what God created by fornicating or committing adultery. And that is why the scripture says in Heb 13:4 (NASB), “Marriage is to be held in honor AMONG ALL, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge”.

When you honor marriage, what you are really doing is honoring what God has created and you’re also honoring the creator of marriage as well! #MarriageIsHonorable

Please share this with as MANY as you can! Be blessed everyone!

“Is It A Sin To Kiss”? ~ PAV & OEV

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“Is It a Sin for Singles to Kiss”?

We cannot outright say kissing among singles is a sin because we don’t see it spelled out in the word of God. Many say that kissing leads to sin and that can be true, but that doesn’t mean it is sin. It just means it’s something that can lead to sin like so many other things can lead to sin.

However, is it beneficial for singles to kiss? We believe that if you are in a serious courtship that will lead to marriage you will “probably” kiss, but the problem that CAN happen (not necessarily will happen) is it can light the flames within each other and you can start burning in passion for one another. Kissing is one of the MAIN things that led us to fall into fornication. French Kissing that is. But the reason why we started french kissing is because we first started English Kissing (our own name LOL). You know the kissing without the tongue and that was because we loved and had so much passion for each other. Everybody is not like us. Some of you are stronger than we were and can kiss and not fall like we did. Some couples are virgins; some couples have one that’s a virgin and the other who is not. And some couples like ourselves were not virgins when we met. And that means we should have NOT kissed at ALL.

For the first 13-14 months we did not kiss, hold hands or was even alone together because we had such a heavy attraction to each other. But when we finally decided to date/court, we celebrated with a kiss. The kiss was not a tongue kiss but it was exciting and just the fact that our lips were touching caused all kinds of electricity to go through our bodies. But that made us want to feel that feeling again. In other words, it made us want MORE! And pretty soon, the little kisses lead to more sensual kisses that many call “French Kissing” and then came the thoughts, then the touching, then the heavy petting and then eventually fornication.

But did you notice all the dominoes that happened with us? That is why we believe the word when it says that it is good for a man not to TOUCH a woman. And that touching is not just with hands, it’s with TONGUES too. (Just being real). So in our opinion, we are not at 100% to call it SIN that you have to repent for, but we can definitely say it MAY not be good!

One last thing. WE WISH we could say that we have only kissed each other, but we cannot. And that is another BIG reason not to kiss until your wedding day. Even though God may forget our past when we repent, our minds are not as good as God’s when it comes to forgetting. It has taken us a long time to get to where we are today to where we don’t even remember what it was like to kiss anyone else but each other. So we say to all singles, from our hearts (not based on OUR past), we would tell you to avoid kissing if you can, ESPECIALLY if you do not know you will marry that person. We honestly believe NOW that you should not kiss until you hear, “You May Now Kiss Your Bride”! And when you hear that, make sure your spouse NEVER forgets the Kiss you will give them but instead forgets all other kisses they may have stolen in the past! #BeBlessed

1 Cor 7:1-2, “…It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, TO AVOID FORNICATION, let EVERY MAN HAVE HIS OWN WIFE, and let EVERY WOMAN HAVE HER OWN HUSBAND”.

And we do thank God we are free to kiss each other! 😉 ~ PAV & OEV

“The Consequences of Sexual Sin: We will REAP What We SOW”! ~ PAV

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Shortly after we were married, when it came to sex, I was trying to do all the things I had done when I was a fornicator. Although we repented for our sexual sins before marriage there were still CONSEQUENCES for those sins that we had to deal with after marriage. Why? Because no matter the sin, there will ALWAYS be consequences to sin, whether big or small. So once after sex as newlyweds, my wife rolled over towards the wall and didn’t say a word so I went to sleep. About an hour or so later she woke me up to talk. We ended up talking for hours because she shared with me all the things she did not like, how disappointed she was after sex because she did not climax and she also confessed how she would sometimes fake orgasms for fear of hurting my feelings. I was hurt and a little embarrassed but I had to take it like a man and own up to the fact that I had NO CLUE about what sex in marriage was. I only knew how to fornicate, not have sex. And where did I learn to fornicate? From porn and selfish acts of fornication with other women before I married. My wife was also learning how to please me as well but to be honest, it was so easy for me to climax so I had to LEARN how to slow down so that I could finish what I started with my wife and not before my wife! I did not get this overnight, but we both enjoyed learning together how to please each other and we still work at this now.

Now what were the consequences of our sexual sin? Well one is we can not say we are the only ones we’ve ever been with sexually. You only get one life and that is the story of ours. Also, when our children are older, we will have to admit to them as we raise them in purity that we didn’t make it before marriage, and we are not looking forward to that. And even though God restored us to make it feel like we were virgins again, we had to unlearn so much junk that we learned from the world. But the biggest one and the one we both hated the most was, sometimes in the middle of sex we would have to cast down thoughts of those we had fornicated with in the past. I absolutely HATED those moments. But this is why we stress abstaining and renewing your minds for those who have fallen into fornication because that is what it took for us to be able to forget those images. It’s to the point now that I only have sexually images of being with my wife! (Thank you Lord).

Now I want to talk to men for a minute. Some of you may think it’s cool to fornicate, but I assure you, when you find the right one for you and you marry her, you will have to face the consequences for the sexual sins you commit before marriage unless you repent now. I am man enough to say that I did NOT know how to please my wife sexually in marriage, I only knew how to please MYSELF. But God restored me after I repented and I was able to fully learn together with my wife. Can I just be honest with you all and tell you we had some very awkward moments during the learning process? Sometimes I wouldn’t hear my wife say a thing during sex and I wondered why. So when I would ask she would say, “Well I’m trying not to fake it”! LOL! We can laugh about it now, but then it hurt my manhood deep. *hits my chest three times* LOL! And that is why we talk before, during and after sex because we both want to make sure we are pleasing each other. Fornication can cause men especially to become very selfish because when you’re fornicating you are about “getting yours”. So if you carry those worldly, carnal, sinful acts of whoring into your marriage, you can defile the marriage bed and end up not pleasing your wife. You will find that there cannot be GREAT SEX until you renew your mind on what sex really is; an act of worship with your spouse before The Most High. Once you experience that, you will NEVER go back to the sinful things you did in the world.

There are many other consequences of sexual sin and some we dealt with before marriage so they did not follow us into marriage. But the best news of the day is that God can restore us when we truly repent. We are the testimonies of how God can restore His people when it comes to sex in marriage. It’s time to be restored and made whole from sexual sin! So confess, repent, renew your mind and GO AND SIN NO MORE!

Gal 6:7-8, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life”.

Rom 6:21, “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death”!

John 5:14, “Behold, thou art made whole: SIN NO MORE, lest a worse thing come unto thee”.

Share this blog post with as MANY as you can! Thanks Fam!