“Marriage or Nah”? ~ OEV

 

evernote-pav-pray-with-vforce-babies-pic
I know, I know…I was supposed to be praying too but I just had to capture the moment.  To open my eyes, grab my phone and snap a pic of my husband praying with our children before bed is one of those moments that lets me know we got it right.  Yeah…we did.
What did we get right?  We did something different to meet someone different.  We put our cards on the table from jump.  No surprises, no second guessing.  From the moment we first talked we made it clear that it was “Marriage or Nah”.  We got to know each other with no strings attached for a year even tho PAV was tryna marry me within the first months of meeting lol (You gotta know the whole story tho).  There was no kissing, no making out, no nothing during that “getting to know stage”.  Straight acquaintances with a mission of “friends who could possibly marry” was the deal.  That way if we weren’t feeling each other, we could move along without any emotional or sexual ties.
We became exclusive after that first year.  When he would take me to his church he made it known I was that chick.  You know, ‘His Lady’.  And my goodness did I love the way he would introduce me to “the church”.  The church who would judge me prematurely and sometimes un-righteously because I wasn’t raised in the church like him, wasn’t C.O.G.I.C. like him and definitely wasn’t “saved like him”.  But I was on his arm because he chose me. And what many didn’t realize was that I received his choice and chose him in return. It wasn’t one sided.  It was very mutual.  I had to win his parents over being that I was not the church girl type but winning them over was worth the man.
2 years later after many “dating trials”, he made it official and gave me the ring…proposing to me while we were watching the airplanes land and take off.  We had some trials while engaged but I was here for it, so we married 2 years later.  Can’t believe I was really tryna divorce him 5 years after.  But here we are…married still.  12 years in the deal.  Husband and wife for real for real.  With five beautiful babies we pray for, who we slay for and are steadily paving the way for.
So to be at a point where I watch this man I said Yes to pray with all of our children is a moment I had to capture. Not for my sake or yours but more so for my children’s sake. So that when they’re older they’ll always have this moment in print. Tho our 2 and 4 year old may not remember this, they’ll be able to see this pic and have this moment for life and see that…their parents really did do something right. We found one another, observed each other. Sealed the deal with each other. Then brought each of our children into this world and declared we would raise them up in the admonition of The Most High and teach them His ways. And it didn’t start that night. It started in July 1999, became serious in August 2000, made official in July 2002 and finalized in May 2004. Then we started our legacy in 2006, continued it in 2008, added to it in 2010, filled it more in 2012 and built it higher in 2014. Whoooo! We got a lot to do right? So what’s my point in all this right? What is OEV getting at?
evernote-vforce-fam-renewal-red

My point is to get to this moment…to get this right…to be here in all of this right now today, we had to declare from the beginning that it was “Marriage or Nah”.And this is also what we’re showing our children. I mean, who has that kinda time to be wasting on “Nah” when time is pointing to Marriage? Who has that kinda heart to keep putting up with “Nah” when the heart is desiring Marriage? I mean really tho…who has that kinda strength to continually be weakened on “Nah” when it wants to be stronger in Marriage? I didn’t. And neither do you.

You’re single and you desire marriage..then it’s time to get a “Marriage or Nah” mentality about your life right now. This doesn’t mean nothing else matters, it simply means that the foolishness that comes with “Nah” is over and no longer needs your energy. I gave lots of details above to share our history together. Sure we had some ups and downs along the way, but we were still throwing up “Marriage or Nah” through it all.

marriage-or-nah-both

You no longer have time to waste, you no longer have a heart to be broken by people playing games and you no longer have the strength to put towards “Nah”. Instead set some #MarriageGoals and then spend some time working towards those goals. It’s OK to want it, think of it, prepare for it and desire it. It’s honorable remember? So to desire something honorable is actually a very beautiful thing. But you gotta let go of the “Nah” because it’s possibly holding you up from what you truly desire..Marriage.

And last thing, if you’re Married, work to stay together. Remember divorce is nothing more than a “Nah” but in a different context. Not saying all marriages will work out, but at the very least give it your all and work to stay together as best as YOU can so that no matter what happens, you know you was all about that Marriage life! ? ~ OEV

Did I say something that blessed you?  Confused you?  Hit a nerve or inspired you!  Leave a comment and let me know.  I assure you of a timely response.  Love you Fam .  ?
PS  Hey Ladies…wanna join me in my private Facebook group for Queens only?  Click here and join me NOW.  See you there.

 

“In Walks A Man”! ~ OEV

man-walks-in-publisher-edit

The woman was tired. She had been up all night getting some rare “me time” by indulging in Netflix movies. But just when she was about to finally get some sleep in the early morning, her youngest son (2 years old) wakes up. While trying to put him back to sleep, an older sibling wakes up and seems to signal for the other children to wake up as well. Before the woman knows it, all of her ‘stair steppers’ are awake. Now the woman wishes she didn’t stay up all night getting rare “me time” in because now she’s going to be tired the rest of the day because at 6am, it really is time to get up anyway.

So the days goes just as expected. Tiresome! She’s tired but managing to run the household to the demands of her younger children while getting the older children to help in keeping things in order. In the afternoon, she actually manages to get them all to take a nap so she takes a nap as well. Three hours seems like enough rest but unfortunately the nap puts her behind in getting dinner ready. Thank The Most High the children are all still sleeping so she gets busy with dinner. Just as things are going well, the youngest son wakes up crying. But before she can even grab him, the youngest daughter wakes up crying as well. She’s wondering how in the world she’s going to get everything done before the man of the house is back home. She’s got things in the oven, things on the stove, things waiting to be mixed on the table and two babies 3 and under crying their tears out. Talk about frustrating and exhausting at the same time. So the woman picks up the 2 year old son, rocking him trying to console him while letting her 3 year old know she’ll be right there in just a minute. But the 3 year old doesn’t seem to take too well to being made to wait, so she cries even more. With dinner preparations interrupted, a son in her lap refusing consolation and a 3 year old crying in the near distance, the woman begins to inwardly break down hoping to be rescued. This was nothing really major that she hadn’t handled before but, working off only 3 hours of sleep and blaming herself in her mind for staying up super late, caused the woman to slightly crumble with exasperation.

But then…the door unlocks and the knob turns. “In Walks A Man”...a hard working Man who just finished working 13 hours. Tired, sweaty, not smelling the best, looking like he just woe out.. not wore out but WOE OUT. He walks in and immediately the 2 year old son who refused the woman’s consolation quickly stops crying, gets up and runs to this Man with outstretched hands. While holding the 2 year old, the Man turns the corner towards the 3 year old daughter who’s still crying. “In walks a Man” to where she was and instead of ceasing from crying, she cries harder upon seeing the Man as if she had been missing the Man all day. The Man takes his free arm and picks up the daughter too. Before she knows it, the Man has both the son and daughter in both arms embracing them strongly and consoling them both effortlessly. Before he sits down while holding the two, he stands with seemingly room for one more…the woman. The woman walks towards him and the Man hugs her with both arms around the two youngest children then she rests upon what remained of his chest, squeezed between the two babies. And it was at that very moment that the woman was reminded of Our Heavenly Father who has room for us all in His arms, in His loving embrace. The Man was not only those children’s father but he was also the woman’s husband. And everything became well when he walked in. Now let’s bring this thing to clarity.

The woman is me, OEV. The Man is my husband, PAV (I know y’all know that too 😀 ). The children are our youngest two of the five. All I know is when that Man, My Man walked in, all that wasn’t well became well. All I know is when that Man walked in, what was turning out to be chaotic before he got home, was now calm…simply because he walked in.

You see, good things happen when a Man walks in. When a male walks in, things either go from bad to worse or they remain the same. But when a Man walks in, things get better or has the potential to get better with some work. Because Joy comes with him. Pain relief comes with him as well. And just when you’re so mad at life and you’re ready to give up, “in walks a Man” with the confidence to encourage you up out of your misery and back into the equanimity you feel when he’s around. Yasssssss! And even if there’s trouble around, a Man walking in gives trouble a serious run for its money. You see, when a male walks in, he could be a trouble maker but when a Man walks in, he’s the trouble taker. Males make trouble, Men take trouble and turn it into calm. Y’all..don’t…hear…me..tho..

This doesn’t mean Men are perfect. It doesn’t mean my Man is perfect, it just means even when we are at odds in our marriage, when my husband walks in, I know no matter what we’re dealing with, he’s gon’ shut it down and work to make things right. No matter if I pout. No matter if I try the silent treatment. No matter if my attitude ain’t right. No matter if his tone ain’t the best. No matter if he don’t agree with what I’m saying. When my husband walks in, ain’t nobody walking out unchanged. Even when our children are restless and rambunctious and I’m struggling to get them all the way in order, when my husband walks in, order is restored. So what am I saying and what has this go to do with you?

I’m saying single women, when I was choosing this man to be my husband, I chose him based on the fruit that showed me he was the type of Man who would work through the craziest mess in marriage. I chose him because his actions showed me he was a righteous man. I chose him because even though he had issues just as I did, I knew he would love me through every issue, every outburst and every self imposed crazy moment I ever created in our marriage. And though this is the Man who walked out on me in year 5 of our marriage, he is also the same man who walked back in, worked with me and made this thang right 12 years and 5 children later.

So do NOT settle for them unrighteous males who look good to marry. Don’t rush into relationships with males who got it made financially but ain’t got it made righteously. Don’t fall for the males who can recite every scripture but can’t SHOW YOU how to apply them same scriptures they quote. Because when the ish hit the fan in marriage, Men are the ones that’s gon’ come through this piece and work everything out with you as best as they can. Those are the kind of perfectly flawed Men you want to give a chance in getting to know you. Men with Standards. Men who are Righteous and Men who can walk into a room and change the entire game up.

And what’s so amazing is you can be just going on about your life, praying, working towards and preparing for this type of man while in the worst season of your life, yet “In Walks A Man” into your life ready to change that season for you or walk through that season with you. And if you don’t think this can happen, you betta ask me. I can tell you some stories honey. LOL! Be Encouraged Single Ladies! I got lots more where this came from. You may say it ain’t a lot of good men like this out here but as I always say, you only need ONE. 😉 ~ OEV

#InWalksAMan #ATrulyFaithfulMan #BeTrulyFaithful #TrulyFaithful

Psalm 1:1-3, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in His law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper”.

Please share this blog post if it blessed you and also join my online Kingdom Building Community for women below where we talk in detail about topics like this and so much more.

in-walks-a-man-pic

The Building of a Nation Starts with YOU!

“Men, I believe if we teach our sons how to be providers as they become men, how to treat women, how to be in control of their sexuality, how to value their purity as young boys, how to be leaders in their homes and communities, how to operate in their God given masculinity, while also teaching our sons to honor marriage, we will help greatly in decreasing the many fatherless, broken and dysfunctional homes we have in this world today, especially in our own communities”. ~ PAV

“Women, I believe if we teach our daughters to know their worth, to value their sexuality and their bodies, to empower them in their educational creativity, to help them understand that being a help meet is a strong active role in society as a whole, not a weak, inactive one only done in marriage, how to honor marriage while also teaching our daughters to support masculinity while operating fully in their God given femininity, we will help greatly in decreasing the epidemic of leaving legacies of broken relationships, out of wedlock births and extreme poverty”. ~ OEV

“Men and Women, we believe in being Faithful to Marriage, Faithful to Family and Faithful to Legacy (Building). In order to have healthy marriages, strong and loving families and positive legacies tomorrow, it starts with building our marriage, our family and our legacy TODAY”!

We’re already doing this and are working to do it even better. Have you started? Are you doing your part?  What steps are you taking to get this done?  Comment and let us know! ~ PAV &OEV

 

Psalm 112:1-3, “Praise the Lord!  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments!  His offspring will be mighty in the land, the generation of the upright will be blessed.  Wealth and riches are in His house and His righteousness endures forever”.

Psalm 78:4, “We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and His might, and the wonders that He has done”.

Deut 6:5-7, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise”.

 

 

Wanna join OEV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Women?  Sign up here.

 

Wanna join PAV’s Online Kingdom Building Community for Men?  Sign up here.

“I’m Still Qualified”! ~ OEV

I'm the most imperfect person you're going to find in this world. But I'm still qualified to speak the truth of The Most High. I'm the most flawed person this side of heaven. But I'm still qualified to share the truth of Yahshua. I miss the mark. I can be emotional. I am wrong a lot of times. I can be your best friend or your worst friend when I'm not in control of my feelings. But I'm still qualified to lead those The Most High have put in front of me to lead. I can miss it as a wife at times. I can miss it as a Mother at times too. But I'm still qualified to be a help to many wives and many mothers. I can be disingenuous but still honest. I can be insolent at times but still polite overall. I can be aggressive at times but diffident as well. I am an extrovert but have times where I'm an ambivert. I can be loud when addressing others but quiet as well. I can be strong in my expressions but gentle in my delivery. At any given time I can mess up every single thing I've worked very hard to overcome, but even in all of that, I am still qualified to do what The Most High has called me to do.

People will disqualify you for every mishap, every bad decision you make, every mistake you can't seem to shake and every sinful step you may take. But in the end, it is not man who qualifies you but The Most High. And who He calls, He qualifies. Who He qualifies, He prepares. Who He prepares, He also forgives when they repent. And who He forgives, He gives them another chance. Many of you just want another chance to get it right today. Many of you feel you have dropped the ball so much that you are no longer qualified to do what He's called you to do. Many of you feel the need to be sat down, refused, denied, put aside, left hangin, even punished all because you have been on a roll with messing up. But I am here to tell you that I know what it's like to be in a funk to where all it seems like you're doing is messing up left and right. I know what it's like to question yourself asking, "Damn!  Can I do anything right? Can I just do one thing right to get me out of this mess? Can I just get out of this rut and thrive instead of just survive? Can I get out of my feelings instead of be all up in them all the time? Will I ever get my finances together?  Will I ever just make it in this area instead of always struggling in this area?" My Goodness!!!  I know, I know, I've felt this way many times. But I got news for you.

​You are not disqualified because you missed it this morning or last night with your wife or husband. You are not disqualified because you lost your cool with the people on your job or with your children. You are not disqualified because you had wicked thoughts about someone who hurt you and did you wrong. You are not disqualified because you tried to end your life when depression got the best of you. You are not disqualified because you made a fool of yourself in front of those you love. You are not disqualified because you fell into sin after giving in to horniness. You are not disqualified because you lied when human resources asked had you ever been late on a job and you said no just to get the job. You are not disqualified because you've been missing paying tithes to pay your bills and take care of your children. You are not disqualified because you have been falling short in so many areas of life where others are succeeding. You are not disqualified because you feel you should be much further along than you are right now. You are not disqualified because your marriage is a mess. You are not disqualified because you're in your 30's and 40's and still not married. You are not disqualified because you're broke right now.  You are not disqualified...Why not? Because you are still HIS! If you are still His and you are still up in this piece working to get the best out of this life, then you are still qualified. If you still have breath...if you still have life...if you still have space and opportunity...if you still have your right mind...if you still have the willingness to get better...if you're still fighting to make it, then no my friend, you are not disqualified. Know this...No man on earth can disqualify you. If The Most High says you're qualified, then YOU ARE STILL QUALIFIED!

​So get up, repent if you need to, pray because it's what you should do, reach out if you have to. Then wash your face, drink some water, look in that mirror and say "I'm Still Qualified", then be on your way and go do what you are still qualified to do! ~ OEV

#ImStillQualified

#YouStillQualifiedToo

#TheyCantDisqualifyWhatHeAlreadyQualified

#ByeFaultFinders

Rom 8:30, "And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified".

Sign up below to get these kinds of posts, videos and more in your inbox weekly!

I'm Still Qualified

“The Damaged Goods of OEV”!

Damaged Goods: a person regarded as inadequate or impaired in some way.
Inadequate:  lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose. insufficient means not enough.
Impaired: weakened, damaged.
 
So damaged goods is a person who makes themselves emotionally unavailable due to unfortunate circumstances in the past. Which in turn makes people they love pay for the mistakes they had to deal with in the past. Damaged goods tend to run away from their problems instead of facing them head on and tend to make assumptions about present situations due to experiences from the past.
 
This is me.  Even today as I write this, I am damaged goods.  I am inadequate, impaired and I am lacking quality in a certain area.  I am also insufficient for a particular purpose for I am weakened…damaged.  This is me…OEV.  The woman many young women look up to.  The woman who loves hard and gives her all.  But also the same woman who can hurt someone when she feels they may hurt her.  This is the same woman who can be really good in marriage but really bad in friendships.  The same woman who will run to The Most High and her husband and cry out but will not do the same with a friend.  I am damaged goods.  Is there any help for me?  Well…first we have to get to the root.
 
A little while ago I did a few Periscope broadcasts on why it was good to be in relationships with people who love hard and the bad things about people who love hard.  I gave the definition and characteristics of those who love hard and used myself as an example.  To help you understand where I’m about to come from, let me share some of those characteristics that describe people like me.
 
Characteristics of People who love hard…
 
#1, We are loyal…loyal to a fault.  We will go with you through hell, high water and chaos. We don’t believe in leaving those we love behind…ever.
 
#2, We love you for real, for real.  There is nothing fake about our love.  We will throw caution to the wind and give you all of our heart in relationships.
 
#3, We are forgivers.  We forgive some of the most horrific things people do to us all because we really love you.
 
#4, We wear our feelings on our sleeves.  We don’t have poker faces.  You know exactly how we’re feeling because it’s written all over our faces.
 
#5 Once we are done, we…are…DONE!  There is no coming back or reconciling when we’re done.  We reconcile by letting go and moving on.
 
So now that you have some characteristics of people who love hard, let me share how those good traits can be taken advantage of by those who do not love hard in return.
 
Understand that not everyone can handle the love of a person who loves hard.  This is why we have the issues we often times have when in relationships with the wrong people.  Let me elaborate.
 
Because we are loyal, we can love people through anything but we can also waste our love on those who mean us no good.  We love for real and nothing is fake about our love so when we give our heart in any kind of a relationship, we give all of our heart.  We don’t know how to give a part of our heart.  We must give a person all of our heart or none at all and because of this, we can give all of our heart to someone who cannot handle this kinda of love.  We’re also forgivers which is great but too many times we forgive people who continuously hurt us.  Our ability to love hard is great when we’re loving the right people, but our inability to discern at times is what causes us to give our love to “like” instead of give our love to love.  Does that make sense?  In other words, people may just like us, yet we love so hard that we believe loving them will turn their like for us into love for us.  This is where we lack discernment and end up staying in temporary relationships, long term.  So because we do these things, we end up getting played a lot by the opposite sex or hurt a lot in toxic friendships.  Yet when we are done, we are DONE!  There is nothing anyone can do to change our minds when we’re done.  While that’s great, often times it took us too long to be done.  So now that we’re finally done, we chill by ourselves and become protective of our feelings.  Being protective means we make sure we don’t get hurt by anyone anymore.  The problem with this is often times after being done, we end up shielding ourselves from potential great mates for marriage and/or potential great friends for friendships.  So how did I get to be damaged goods and what does all of this have to do with me becoming that way?
 
Because I loved hard and gave my all, I was deeply hurt by “friends”, several different times though I will only talk about 3 different times today.  I was hurt so deep that after these 3 particular hurts I would cleave to my husband, hold onto my children and strengthen my relationship with The Most High but I vowed to never let another women get that close to me.  Oh I am friendly, so I can talk to anyone.  I’m good at what I do, so I can encourage and advise women in their marriages or courtships, but when it came time for friendships with women, I would not allow it.  I would actually start to shut down and cleave to my husband.  So I would call him my best friend instead.  Though he and I are just that close, this was also a cover to keep from having close female companionships.  So after the failure of 3 friendships in a row, it somewhat ruined me for other friendships.
 
So here’s how that went. 
 
Abandonment: The first friendship that played a part in my being damaged goods was a lengthy one.  We were friends for over 10 years.  Everyone knew we were the best of friends.  She was even the God mother of our first born child.  When I became pregnant with my second, she moved away and never told me why or where.  I had no idea why she left or where she was.  After a few weeks of her being what I called “missing”, we put a APB out on her to make sure she was OK.  She was and shared she had gotten a new job and gotten too busy to call.  I should have seen that was the first sign of what was to come.  We would talk here and there but I could tell it wasn’t the same.  I figured since she was still single with no children, that maybe she was feeling some kinda way that I was now married a few years going on my second child. But I still felt our friendship would recover.  I mean you don’t get to over a decade of being friends by not being able to overcome whatever comes your way right?  But what happened next literally changed my life.  I hadn’t heard from her in some time once again.  I called her job and they said she no longer worked there.  That she left town.  I thought maybe she went back home to chill for a bit and collect her thoughts on her life.  So I didn’t bother her as I was also very sick in my second pregnancy, so I couldn’t give my full attention at that time.  By the time I had gotten better, I had heard through the grapevine she had joined the military.  I was ANGRY!  I was hurt.  I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get a phone call, an email, a letter, anything!  I didn’t know how to process this new hurt I was feeling.  I felt abandoned!  How could she walk out on our friendship like that?  What the hell did I do that was so bad that she walked out with no notice?  So I grieved but in anger.
 
Toxicity:  Even after all of that, a few years later I gave friendship another try.  It wasn’t easy but I did. I mean I had my man, my 2 babies and a new friend.  How awesome was that right?  Well once the newness wore off there was this stench of toxicity that I began to smell.  Not only did I smell it, my husband smelled it too.  And so did others.  But when people would come to me about that stench, I just told them it was fine.  Why didn’t I listen?  Because I’m loyal..to a fault remember?  You don’t just leave people who aren’t perfect.  You love them through right?  I tried.  I failed.  And any time I would bring up an offense by that person, they would turn it back on me somehow.  Passive aggressive at its finest.  I did this for over 3 years and finally had to cut the strings.  Before I did, I cried 2 days staight knowing I had to cut them off.  Remember, when we are done, we are DONE!  The cut off did not end well.  And this time instead of being angry like I was before, I grieved the end of this friendship in sadness not anger.  But I was glad it ended.  I missed them but was relieved it was over.
 
Rejection:  I tried again.  This friendship actually overlapped the toxic friendship above but it was perfect or so I thought.  I thought I had finally found a friend I could really relate to marriage wise as the other 2 before this one were single.  We both had children and we both had lots in common.  Oh the private conversations we shared were full of such joy!  The laughs and the cries seemed so real.  But when it came time to be best friends, I was over looked.  She had chosen another.  I was hurt.  I was rejected.  I guess I didn’t understand this friendship thing after all.  I still hung onto the relationship thinking, “Well maybe I can be the 2nd best friend” right?  Nah, we ended up growing apart even though I would still reach out.  So as this friendship was obviously fading away after 4 years, the rejection caused bitterness.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough to be a best friend.  I am still moving on from this friendship.  I’m taking it one day at a time.
 
So when you have abandonment, toxicity and rejection in a row, it can become hard to go forward in a righteous friendship.  Enter another friend.  I wasn’t looking for anymore friends nor was I accepting friendship applications.  I was content with my marital relationship with my husband, my parental relationship with my children, my many acquaintanceships with people from eerywhere and of course my relationship with The Most High.  This friendship took me by complete surprise.  Though we had so much in common, there was an obvious age difference.  Could we be friends anyway?  I went forward but I gave them a warning.  That because of my baggage of failed friendships, they may have to pull me back sometimes.  But what I didn’t tell them was that I was damaged goods.  I didn’t tell them that though I was very good in making my marriage work, I was not very good in making friendships work.  How could I be?  I had 3 lengthy friendships that failed.  I was scarred, impaired, inadequate and damaged.  And the smiles my husband and children put on my face hid all those flaws.  So what happened?  In disagreements I would hurt them.  I made assumptions about them.  I looked for the bad in them to manifest. I was accusatory and after each disagreement, I was waiting for them to abandon me.  I was looking for the friendship to turn toxic.  I was waiting for them to reject me.  Yet…it hasn’t come.  At the end of one episode of hurt, there was only, “I signed up for this knowing you were damaged“.  Who deserves that kind of grace though?  Certainly not me.  Yet it’s what I was given.  I think the thing that showed me the grace of the Father was when this friend said, “We’re gonna get through this. And then look back at how far we’ve come and smile.  Not only did we make a decision to go on through life together, but I told you I also think it’s a miracle that we crossed paths. I don’t think that type of relationship should be thrown away based off feelings and hurt that will pass. ESPECIALLY since I agreed to proceed with our relationship knowing that you are damaged in certain ways. I have to have more empathy b/c I wasn’t stupid to that fact and I still made a decision“.  I broke down.  The tears began to fall because I know I don’t deserve it.  But how could they love me anyway?  How could they want to remain friends anyway?  Doesn’t make sense.  It was after a much smaller disagreement that I FINALLY realized our friendship really was divine.  How so?
 
Because like in my marriage, my flaws are always being exposed just as my husband’s are.  So in this friendship, those other flaws that weren’t revealed in my marriage are being exposed, so now I gotta work on them.  I’m learning that though I learned how to love a man and that I learned how to love children, I didn’t learn how to love a friend and a sister.  And God is showing me how to do that in this relationship.
 
Though I hate that we have to have those moments of hurt, I’m grateful for the opportunity given to right my wrongs and learn how to be a good friend.  I am now learning the importance of friendships alongside the importance of the marital and family relationship.  I’m the type that can help others in their marriages and in their singleness but could not help myself in friendships. So I am damaged goods.  I love hard and one thing about those of us who love hard, we work hard to right our wrongs.  So though I am damaged goods, the beauty in all of this is, I do not have to remain damaged.  I can be repaired.  I can be restored.  I can be redeemed even in this.  I am committed to getting better and I hope that the next time I write about this I can title it, “The Mended Goods of OEV”!  Hope this helped someone out there to see that female friendships though hard to maintain, can be done in spite of the many friendships that fail!  I’m in this for the long haul.  The love of many may wax cold but with Christ, mine won’t wax cold at all!  ~ OEV
 
Prov 18:24, “Friends can destroy one another, but a loving friend can stick closer than family”.
Me & My Best Friend
Torah and OEV pic

Join us in our We Live As Queens Facebook Community! Sign up below

“The Removal of A Thorn”! ~ OEV

PAV & OEV PIC FOR POST 2016 jpg

When you’re not lookin’ your best…  When you’re not actin your best… When you’re coming up short in this marriage thing…and he still loves you anyway?  That is priceless to me!  I love my Man…because here lately, I ain’t been that Chic.  But he’s been loving me as best as he can!  And I have those moments where I’m over sensitive, where I overreact and where I seemingly lose my positioning.  And even my husband can be the same way.  I mean, there are times, he’s acting up just as much as I am.  But we understand this one thing. Divorce is no longer an option.  We took that option off the table in 2009 once we reconciled our marriage.  So we know we gon’ work it out.

We came into the New Year with an issue.  That issue started in late 2015 and followed us right into 2016.  It’s been a thorn and then FINALLY, the thorn broke.  But it broke off deep into our sides..like way off in there.  Which means, no one on the outside could see it, but we both felt it and it hurt like hell and we were angry.  So we had to take a break.  A break from Scoping and a break from speaking together publicly.  Why?  Because when you got issues, you got to get those issues worked out BEFORE you get back out there together.  Unfortunately yet fortunately, things don’t always get worked out as quickly as we want them to.

 

So we had to yield to the Spirit, but that was after we each had our say.  Because at the end of our say we STILL didn’t agree.  Then what?  Most would say, “If you both don’t agree, then the wife submits and goes with the husband’s decision”.  But where does it say that?  That if the husband and wife do not agree, the wife just concedes and submits, especially when she’s already submitting?  Where does it say that husband and wife just go with what the husband says when they both disagree or that he has the last say?  What if he’s totally wrong?  What if she’s being like Abigail and he’s being like Nabal, then what?  (Thought provoking huh?)

 

Listen, please hear me clearly, the wife is always to submit to her husband…in everything.  That’s the word.  And the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church always.  That’s also the word.  But husband and wife will not always agree.  And that doesn’t mean, both just go with what the husband says all the time.  No, sometimes that means NO DECISION IS MADE until there is clarity.  Where does clarity come from?  The Most High!  In what way?  It can come in many ways.  Through His word, by His Holy Spirit, in prayer, through wise counsel or more.  So once that thorn broke off deep into our sides, there was more pain and we just had to get it out!  My husband spoke his peace and I spoke mine.  We still didn’t agree.  I said my peace again, he said his peace again and yet again we still didn’t agree.  I prayed, he prayed, opposition was still in the mist.

 

So it happened!  The ish hit the fan and we had some words.

 

 

He walked to cool off and I calmed down.  The small break did us both good as I texted my mentor what happened and then called my best friend at 7am to ask her to pray for us.  And then sometime after that, I texted my husband and he responded.  I wanted my man to forgive me.  He wanted his woman to forgive him.  So we apologized.  The more we apologized through texts, the more the thorn that was once deep in our sides started to protrude from our sides.  It could be seen clearly now.  When he walked in the door and hugged me, the thorn began to come our more.  When he kissed me, the thorn was easing its way out of our sides.  When we stood before our children to apologize for arguing to where they could overhear, the thorn began to break apart.  When we allowed them to speak on how they felt about our disagreement, the thorn started crumbling from our sides, falling to the floor while leaving an open womb.  But when we prayed as a family, our sides began to heal right as we prayed.  We could feel the overwhelming power of being healed!  HalleluYah!

 

There’s still a scar on our sides.  It’s visible when you look there, but it’s HEALED!  The thorn in our sides that hindered us in the last part of 2015 and followed us into 2016 is finally gone.  It didn’t get removed just because the new year started.  It didn’t get removed just because we’re believers.  It didn’t get removed because we said our “sorry’s”..  No, it finally got removed when we apologized, confessed to each other our wrongs, repented to one another and then turned around and confessed to our children, allowed them to tell us how they felt about Daddy and Mommy arguing and then prayed together as a family.  In other words, it was removed when we finally gave up having our way and let The Most High have His way…even though it was through a series of events.

 

It took disagreeing last year, praying together, seeking counsel, asking others for prayer, getting more wise counsel, still disagreeing this year, getting heated, cooling off, making up, confessing and then praying together to get our thorn removed.  Do I like that it took all of that?  Well for the most part I would say no.  Why?  Because honestly, we just want to get it right, right then.  I mean, we don’t really want to go through all of that just to get it right.  Who does?  But this is marriage.  And this is growth of two imperfect people who love each other and The Most High.  This is one way we learn when we are wrong and we miss it and we need grace.  Not only from The Father but from one another.  Arguing to where your children can hear you is a big no no to us, straight up.  But it happened.  And we let it happen.  And we are firm believers that if we miss it in front of our children, then we better make it right in front of our children.  This keeps them secure in knowing Daddy and Mommy aren’t perfect, but we make our wrongs right and we love each other and we love them too.  They get to see up close and personal how marriage God’s way really is.  WORK!  But we love to work it and our children are here because of our “love work“.

 

So to married couples who miss the mark.  You know…the few of you out there like us, (as all others are perfect right? 😉 ), please understand that just because there’s a thorn in your sides right now and you’re at odds with each other, doesn’t mean you won’t work it out.  Sometimes, you just need a little more time as not everything is worked out overnight.  Let love have its perfect work and please remember it’s love that covers a multitude of sin.  Even the “we missed the mark in front of our children” sin and the “we can’t seemingly agree on this no matter what” sin.

What you see in this picture is a couple who understands His grace; who understand that peace normally comes after a storm but that we’re willing to go through the storm to get to that peace.  Even if it means cleaning up the debris from the storm WE caused.  Be Encouraged Couples! ~ OEV

 

Prov 28:13, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy”.  (I thank The Most High for His mercy indeed).

 

1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”.  🙂

“No More Lazy Sex”! ~ PAV

 

 

 

No More Lazy Sex PAV

 

For the Husbands and Single Bruhs!

Sorry, but you canNOT bring your “hay-day way” of having sex into your marriage and think your wife will be pleased! That’s just like calling every woman from your past and saying “Hey! Come join my wife and I..!” Your intimacy with your wife will be MESSED UP.

You have to delete what you learned in the world and REBOOT your learning of sex with your wife because those other women were NOT your wife so you can’t bring those past “styles” into your present marriage. This is one of the many ways of doing marriage God’s way when it comes to pleasing your wife. And if you think for one minute that you’re gonna “get yours” and roll over and go to sleep afterwards thinking that’s it, brotha you need to renew your mind in a hurry! Because sex is not over until you BOTH get yours..!

Renew your mind about the “Gift of Sex” and learn that sex is selfless but fornication is selfish. Fornication focuses on YOU. Sex (in marriage) focuses on your WIFE! The word says in 1 Cor 7:3a that, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs…” Do you see? That means in sex it’s not about you, it’s about your wife. You are to make sure that her need is fulfilled. Too many times in marriage only the husbands are getting fulfilled sexually and the wives are left deprived. And wives can be feeling deprived whether the couple is having sex or not. In other words, in some marriages, the wife is deprived because she’s not getting enough sex from her husband. She’s “sex starved”. But in other marriages, the couple is having sex but only the husband is fulfilled. She’s sexually unfulfilled. And many times we husbands are doing this because of the bad habits we picked up in the world when we were fornicating. Now that we’re married, the sexual baggage and residue of fornication is now hindering our sex life with our wives. How so?

Because in fornication, we were about getting ours. And if a man does this enough times, it can become a habit that anytime sex takes place, whether illicit sex or legal sex, the man gets his and doesn’t make sure the woman is totally pleased. Time to renew your mind on sex men, whether single or married. Single men it would do you good to renew your mind now before you marry so that there is less chance of you bringing the residue of sexual sin into your marriage and hindering your sex life with your wife. Husbands, it would do you good to renew your mind now, talk to wife and ask her is she truly being fulfilled sexually. If she says no, then its time to ask her why, ask her what can you do to make things right and TAKE ACTION!

It can be done men. Trust, as I’ve had to do the same thing! I found out that sex is about giving and pleasing my wife, so I had to stop being lazy when it came to making sure my wife was pleased and do the work! Remember, we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us, yes even in making sure we have NO MORE LAZY SEX! Let’s Get It Men!  We got wives to please!  😉

‪#‎YourWifeIsNotThoseOtherWomen‬

‪#‎ItsNotJustAboutYouAnymore‬

‪#‎YouCantTreatYourWifeLikeShesABootyCall‬

#NoMoreLazySex

“New Year, Same Me”!

TRULY FAITHFUL NewYear Email Campaign Pic

 

So 2015 ended and 2016 began…

 

But what’s changed besides the 5 to the 6?  Is your marriage better?  Have you stopped fornicating?  Are you still unemployed?  Did that relationship work out?  Are you still single after all the prophesies of finding the right one to marry in 2015?  Did you get that promotion you believed for?  Do you really feel any different today than December 31, 2015?

Please understand, this is not to make you feel low or lose hope.  This is just to help you face reality but at the same time offer you hope.  How so?  How so when you and your spouse have been trying to have a baby for years and 2015 was supposed to be the year but still no pregnancy?  How so when the woman/man you gave your heart to didn’t give you their heart in return and now you go into the New Year with a broken heart?  How so when you lost a loved one last year?  How so when a close friendship ended last year?  Or how so when your marriage is still on the rocks? We’ll tell you how.  But first…

Do you know how we brought the new year in?  With a disagreement.  I bet you thought we were going to say with prayer, laughter and lots of love right? LOL!  Don’t worry…we did that too.  But yes, we started off with a disagreement about something from 2015, that’s still an issue in 2016 (just a separation of a few days of course).  And though we’ll resolve this, it goes to show that new years often don’t change nothing but the date.  They don’t make you anymore saved than you were the previous year.  They don’t stop your heart from hurting from the loss of family or friendships.  They don’t stop the feelings of disappointments you’ve suffered.  No, they do none of those things.  But, there is something that does come with a new year…ANOTHER CHANCE!

And don’t you just love those?  You get another chance to make a wrong, right.  You get another chance to heal from that broken heart.  You get another change to reconcile a lost friendship or start a new one.  Couples trying to have babies get another chance to enjoy more sex with each other and try again.  Husbands and wives in problem marriages get another chance to work at reconciliation and get help if they need it.  Those who lost jobs in 2015 get another chance to search for new ones in 2016.  Those who entered the new year in bad relationships get another chance to open their eyes and see that it’s time to let the relationship go and more.

Don’t you see?  You might still be the same in a new year, but you’re also still HERE!  Alive!  And you get another chance to get it right!  To do better; to love again; to reconcile; to start afresh; to heal and more!

So even though we brought the new year in with a disagreement, we also get the chance to work it out!  *insert happy dance here* We may not have changed in certain areas or we may not have had any new growth as of yet and we may be the same PAV & OEV from 2015, at this very moment.  But as long as we have breath in 2016, we have the opportunity to grow from “Same Me” to “New Me” and so do you.  So for those who didn’t really feel a change when the clock hit 12:01 AM on January 1, 2016, know that as it is with each day, we get to start this new year off with brand new mercies!  And if we were you, we would take full advantage of them…every waking minute!

Lamentations 3:23, “Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning”.

We love you and pray you all have the “Blessed Year EVER”!  😉 

~ PAV & OEV